Breaking Through Barriers

This week I had one friend send me a list of “Presidential Responsibilities.” I had another friend send me an article, “Ten tips to enhance your Leadership Skills.” The mere fact that people are sending me tips should have, perhaps, bothered me; but, that wasn’t it. What worried me was that the tips and guidelines irked me. 

For work this week I was interviewing someone who has a PhD in Psychology. I asked him what book he would recommend to parents raising children today; because, there was a book that was invaluable to Jay and I when raising our children: “Children the Challenge,” by Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs. My interviewee said, “As soon as one theory is accepted, someone turns it around and all the theories go the other way.” He could not recommend one book. I have to admit, that irked me too.

Theories of health, theories of cooking, theories of gardening… they all change over time. When I look back at old cookbooks, I’m mystified that the ingredients they recommend are abhorred today. How could our preferences be so different? Maybe this ebb and flow is a good thing. Who wants to have just one cookbook to use time and time again? Who wants to have one standard book on raising children? We should have multiple opinions and be able to figure out what works for our own situation. 

The thing that I just couldn’t understand, back when we were struggling with our kids was, “Why did they use bad behavior to get my attention?” I could not, it seems, break through that barrier on my own. Perhaps I couldn’t get past seeing my children as bad. That’s why the book was so valuable to us. It opened our eyes to see a seemingly helpless situation in a new light. Our kids were not bad. They were acting out because we gave them attention when they did. Their whole motivation was to get our attention. Once I realized this and when we used encouragement techniques that Dreikurs recommended for good behavior, everything turned around. Our kids were human again and a joy to be around. 

The problem is, there is information overload today. With so much information to choose from, it’s hard to weed through all the recommendations coming your way. I just Googled, “My kids won’t listen!” The ideas are exhaustive. There are parenting sites and psychology sites and top ten lists for everything! Where does one turn? Sometimes you just need to go back to the basics and listen to common sense. You know it when you hear it. A bell rings in your head and you say to yourself, “Oh, duh… that’s why I didn’t have any luck!”

That’s, perhaps, what irked me about the recommendations I was seeing. They didn’t answer a need I had. Oh, I’m sure I can use advice on leadership. Maybe I’ll find that perfect book that answers my need. The real trick is, finding out what our barrier is. What is holding us back?

When I look on Amazon right now I notice Dreikur’s book has a new modern jacket and says he’s “one of America's foremost child psychiatrists.” People highly recommend the book. Maybe he’s back in vogue! It’s nice to know that his book is still out there helping parents break through their own barriers even today.

Shabbat Shalom,

Terri =]